just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
