exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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