There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
