I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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