K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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