Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
