They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
