I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
