There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
