Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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