White coat. Heels.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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