You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
