I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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