Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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