at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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