it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize