I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
