Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
