Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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