her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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