You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
