i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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