Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
