when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
