Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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