You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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