Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
