Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
