Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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