it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
