My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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