note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
