The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
