I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
