you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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