i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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