How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
