tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
