opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
