remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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