i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
