It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will be naked everywhere
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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