Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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