he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
