4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
