how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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