How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
