you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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