can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
