some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
