I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
