It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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