i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize