with your own penis?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
