I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
