also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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