i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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