we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
