I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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