I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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