We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
