As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
